


Dissatisfied

by Shujinkakusama



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Arguing, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, One Shot, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9467744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shujinkakusama/pseuds/Shujinkakusama
Summary: Pearl has never been satisfied, and Garnet has never admitted to being afraid that Pearl will go looking for what she's missing. // Drabble, oneshot.





	

"I've never been satisfied," Pearl mumbled bitterly, wrapping her arms around her midsection, cold and empty and barren as ever. "Not even--before, with Rose. I was always wanting and yearning, greedy and desperate and--"

 

"Lonely," Garnet finished for her, earning a startled glance, wide blue eyes lost and vulnerable. The Fusion stared evenly at her from behind the relative safety of her visor. Pearl couldn't see her furrowed brow or the sadness in her tri-colored eyes. "You were lonely, Pearl."

 

"You wouldn't know 'lonely'," the smaller Gem spat, gesturing to Garnet with the hand not curled around the balcony rail. "You're _together_. All the time."

 

If the jab hurt, Pearl couldn't see it in Garnet's face, but that somehow made her feel worse. Not guilty, because Garnet could never really experience loneliness the way other Gems could. She was a conversation; a living relationship that flourished for eons.

 

By contrast, Pearl was Echo, unable to exist independently and cursed to repeat the same mistakes until she faded out of existence. She tore her gaze away from her longtime friend and stared down at the shoreline in the distance, and not for the first time, she wished she could leave everything behind, to let the sea take her up in its current like some grain of sand.

 

Garnet said nothing, and neither did she move. Pearl was right, technically; the Fusion was never alone, never empty the way Pearl's pale blue eyes so often looked, but it didn't mean she had no empathy for her situation.

 

"You're lonely," Garnet tried again, "And if you would just let us-- _me_ \--in, Pearl--"

 

"Then what?" Pearl snapped, whirling around to face her, and the misty morning air wasn't the only thing that was damp between them. Pearl blinked rapidly as her vision blurred. "Then what, Garnet? You're already happy. I'm a third wheel. I'd be jealous and petty and--don't you think I spent enough time tagging along with Rose and Greg to learn that three's a crowd?"

 

"Pearl--"

 

"Besides, I blew it!" The alabaster Gem went on, pacing neatly and gesturing with her hands. "I already--I took advantage of you, forming Sardonyx, she's different now; _we're_ different now, and I'll only make it worse if--"

 

"You don't know that!"

 

Panic rarely crept into Garnet's voice, but it did now. There were too many uncertain futures, too many where Pearl fled the beach house and didn’t return for days—or worse. There was always that one flickering future, the bane of Garnet’s future sight, where Pearl simply left forever.

 

And it shone brightly now, refusing to go out. Garnet felt her core twist at the idea, the fabric that kept her together, and she reached out to catch Pearl’s arm with her right hand.

 

“Garnet—“ Pearl started, and the Fusion shook her head, phasing away her visor and effectively cutting Pearl’s train of thought short. Garnet didn’t often remove her visor, even if it had been more commonplace in recent months.

 

“Please, Pearl!” Garnet cut her off again, and somehow, while it was frustrating, Pearl didn’t have it in her to point it out, not when Garnet sounded like she might come apart. Her eyes were wide and as damp as Pearl’s, the beginnings of tears clinging to long eyelashes, and Pearl hadn’t seen an expression like that on her best friend’s face since—

 

Since Rose died.

 

Pearl froze completely, and Garnet reluctantly released her arm, but the smaller Gem didn’t draw away. She stared, and Garnet wasn’t sure whether that was a cue to continue speaking. Her voice caught in her throat regardless, and the Fusion swallowed hard.

 

“If you left I’d—Pearl, I’d be _incredibly_ lonely without you here,” she blurt out, and it was Pearl’s turn to open her mouth uselessly, but Garnet’s floodgates were already open, five thousand years of silence finally ready to boil over. “You’re right, I’ve never been—not really, not like you, it’s not the same. It can’t be. But Pearl, I’ve never been without _you_ either. I was going crazy when we fought! I—I need you. More than you know, so please…”

 

Garnet’s hands faltered between them, and Pearl reached out, long fingers curling around Garnet’s like they had a thousand times before. “I wasn’t going to leave,” Pearl murmured somewhat guiltily, because it had been something she considered more times than she cared to count. “I—there’s too much I have to do. For Steven, for Amethyst, for you—I never _said_ I’d leave.”

 

“I’ve seen it,” Garnet murmured, clutching Pearl’s hands like a lifeline. “You have the means now, you tried once before, and—“

 

“And I _won’t_ ,” Pearl said firmly, “I’m not going anywhere. I… whatever I’m looking for, it’s not worth leaving to find. I’ve never been satisfied, Garnet, but I’m not _unhappy_ anymore _._ I’m not going to trade our happiness.” Her gaze dropped, but she took comfort in being able to feel every curve and contour of Garnet’s Gems against her palms. “I’m staying. You don’t have to worry about that.”


End file.
